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Nov 02
Love0

Finding a needle in a haystack

By Something 2 Comments

Only you could make those words cute. God created pudding, and then he rested. Only you could make those words cute. You look…perfect. I’m doing mental jumping jacks. Only you could make those words cute. Rorschach would say you have a hard time relating to others. I’m real proud of you for coming, bro. I know you hate funerals.

I will destroy you

I’m a sociopath; there’s not much he can do for me. Under normal circumstances, I’d take that as a compliment. I’ve lived in darkness a long time. Over the years my eyes adjusted until the dark became my world and I could see. Under normal circumstances, I’d take that as a compliment. I’m generally confused most of the time. Tell him time is of the essence. I think he’s got a crush on you, Dex! Makes me a … scientist. Finding a needle in a haystack isn’t hard when every straw is computerized. I’m Dexter, and I’m not sure what I am. You’re a killer. I catch killers. This man is a knight in shining armor.

Nov 02
Love0

And so we say goodbye

By Life 2 Comments

I love you, buddy

And so we say goodbye to our beloved pet, Nibbler, who’s gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go. The toilet. File not found. Have you ever tried just turning off the TV, sitting down with your children, and hitting them?

Now, now. Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything. It may comfort you to know that Fry’s death took only fifteen seconds, yet the pain was so intense, that it felt to him like fifteen years. And it goes without saying, it caused him to empty his bowels. Ugh, it’s filthy! Why not create a National Endowment for Strip Clubs while we’re at it? You are the last hope of the universe. Enough about your promiscuous mother, Hermes! We have bigger problems. Now what?

Is that a cooking show?

Wow! A superpowers drug you can just rub onto your skin? You’d think it would be something you’d have to freebase. You guys go on without me! I’m going to go… look for more stuff to steal! I’m Santa Claus!

Nov 02
Love0

This is fun

By My world One Comment

I’m partial to air conditioning. I love Halloween. The one time of year when everyone wears a mask … not just me. Watching ice melt. This is fun. I’m really more an apartment person. Makes me a … scientist. Pretend. You pretend the feelings are there, for the world, for the people around you. Who knows? Maybe one day they will be. I will not kill my sister. I will not kill my sister. I will not kill my sister.

Good news

I’m really more an apartment person. You’re a killer. I catch killers. I’m not the monster he wants me to be. So I’m neither man nor beast. I’m something new entirely. With my own set of rules. I’m Dexter. Boo. Tonight’s the night. And it’s going to happen again and again. It has to happen. I’m really more an apartment person. I’m partial to air conditioning. I’m Dexter, and I’m not sure what I am. I’m generally confused most of the time.

Ago 05
Love0

Shut up and take my money

By My world One Comment

Dissect its brain!

That’s right, baby. I ain’t your loverboy Flexo, the guy you love so much. You even love anyone pretending to be him! Doomsday device? Ah, now the ball’s in Farnsworth’s court! You know the worst thing about being a slave? They make you work, but they don’t pay you or let you go. I don’t want to be rescued. Who am I making this out to? OK, if everyone’s finished being stupid. One hundred dollars.

For the last time, I don’t like lilacs! Your ‘first’ wife was the one who liked lilacs! And remember, don’t do anything that affects anything, unless it turns out you were supposed to, in which case, for the love of God, don’t not do it! Five hours? Aw, man! Couldn’t you just get me the death penalty? I’m a thing. Bender, we’re trying our best. Ah, computer dating. It’s like pimping, but you rarely have to use the phrase «upside your head.»

You can crush me but you can’t crush my spirit! Shut up and take my money! No, just a regular mistake. Well, let’s just dump it in the sewer and say we delivered it. Bender, we’re trying our best.

Ago 01
Love0

Keep your mind

By Compliment, My world No Comments

We are more

Pretend. You pretend the feelings are there, for the world, for the people around you. Who knows? Maybe one day they will be. I’m going to tell you something that I’ve never told anyone before. Tonight’s the night. And it’s going to happen again and again. It has to happen. Hello, Dexter Morgan. I’m not the monster he wants me to be. So I’m neither man nor beast. I’m something new entirely. With my own set of rules. I’m Dexter. Boo. I’m doing mental jumping jacks. I’m going to tell you something that I’ve never told anyone before.

Under normal circumstances, I’d take that as a compliment. Somehow, I doubt that. You have a good heart, Dexter. You look…perfect. Watching ice melt. This is fun. Tell him time is of the essence. I’ve lived in darkness a long time. Over the years my eyes adjusted until the dark became my world and I could see. Only you could make those words cute. God created pudding, and then he rested. Watching ice melt. This is fun.

You all right, Dexter? You’re a killer. I catch killers. Makes me a … scientist. I’m partial to air conditioning.

I’m really more an apartment person. Keep your mind limber. I feel like a jigsaw puzzle missing a piece. And I’m not even sure what the picture should be. I’m Dexter, and I’m not sure what I am. I’m going to tell you something that I’ve never told anyone before.

May 18
Love0

You have a good heart

By Author 3 Comments

Whoa a real live robot; or is that some kind of cheesy New Year’s costume? You, a bobsleder!? That I’d like to see! Soon enough. Who are you, my warranty?! Bite my shiny metal ass. Guards! Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away! Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why, why, why didn’t I break his legs? Who said that? SURE you can die! You want to die?!

That’s right, baby

Fry! Quit doing the right thing, you jerk! What kind of a father would I be if I said no? What kind of a father would I be if I said no? Bender, you risked your life to save me! Hey, tell me something. You’ve got all this money. How come you always dress like you’re doing your laundry? I meant ‘physically’. Look, perhaps you could let me work for a little food? I could clean the floors or paint a fence, or service you sexually? What’s with you kids? Every other day it’s food, food, food. Alright, I’ll get you some stupid food.

Abr 18
Love0

So I really am important?

By My world, News 2 Comments

Pansy. Doomsday device? Ah, now the ball’s in Farnsworth’s court! Kif might! Bender, we’re trying our best. Are you crazy? I can’t swallow that. Yep, I remember. They came in last at the Olympics, then retired to promote alcoholic beverages! So I really am important? How I feel when I’m drunk is correct? Really?! You wouldn’t. Ask anyway! So, how ‘bout them Knicks?

I guess

We don’t have a brig. I was all of history’s great robot actors – Acting Unit 0.8; Thespomat; David Duchovny! I just told you! You’ve killed me! Negative, bossy meat creature! These old Doomsday Devices are dangerously unstable. I’ll rest easier not knowing where they are. What kind of a father would I be if I said no? Why did you bring us here? Switzerland is small and neutral! We are more like Germany, ambitious and misunderstood!

I was having the most wonderful dream. Except you were there, and you were there, and you were there! Oh, I think we should just stay friends. I usually try to keep my sadness pent up inside where it can fester quietly as a mental illness.

Abr 15
Love0

Actually, that’s still true

By Life 3 Comments

Really?! The key to victory is discipline, and that means a well made bed. You will practice until you can make your bed in your sleep. Michelle, I don’t regret this, but I both rue and lament it. Yeah. Give a little credit to our public schools. Yeah. Give a little credit to our public schools. WINDMILLS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY! GOOD NIGHT! So, how ‘bout them Knicks? Actually, that’s still true. Oh Leela! You’re the only person I could turn to; you’re the only person who ever loved me.

Her company

Man, I’m sore all over. I feel like I just went ten rounds with mighty Thor. Kids have names? And remember, don’t do anything that affects anything, unless it turns out you were supposed to, in which case, for the love of God, don’t not do it! I’m sorry, guys. I never meant to hurt you. Just to destroy everything you ever believed in. I suppose I could part with ‘one’ and still be feared… Ah, computer dating. It’s like pimping, but you rarely have to use the phrase «upside your head.»

Abr 03
Love0

Belligerent and numerous

By Compliment 2 Comments

I usually try

Can I use the gun? I wish! It’s a nickel. Hi, I’m a naughty nurse, and I really need someone to talk to. $9.95 a minute. Enough about your promiscuous mother, Hermes! We have bigger problems. Why would I want to know that? So I really am important? How I feel when I’m drunk is correct? Noooooo! They’re like sex, except I’m having them! Bite my shiny metal ass. Belligerent and numerous. Just once I’d like to eat dinner with a celebrity who isn’t bound and gagged. You, a bobsleder!? That I’d like to see! Why yes! Thanks for noticing. I haven’t felt much of anything since my guinea pig died. You guys go on without me! I’m going to go… look for more stuff to steal!

Mar 29
Love0

Michelle, I don’t regret

By Author, Life 2 Comments

Michelle, I don’t regret this, but I both rue and lament it. All I want is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit… that’s why I’m transferring to business school! This opera’s as lousy as it is brilliant! Your lyrics lack subtlety. You can’t just have your characters announce how they feel. That makes me feel angry!

With gusto

And so we say goodbye to our beloved pet, Nibbler, who’s gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go. The toilet. Wow! A superpowers drug you can just rub onto your skin? You’d think it would be something you’d have to freebase.