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Nov 02
Love0

Finding a needle in a haystack

By Something 2 Comments

Only you could make those words cute. God created pudding, and then he rested. Only you could make those words cute. You look…perfect. I’m doing mental jumping jacks. Only you could make those words cute. Rorschach would say you have a hard time relating to others. I’m real proud of you for coming, bro. I know you hate funerals.

I will destroy you

I’m a sociopath; there’s not much he can do for me. Under normal circumstances, I’d take that as a compliment. I’ve lived in darkness a long time. Over the years my eyes adjusted until the dark became my world and I could see. Under normal circumstances, I’d take that as a compliment. I’m generally confused most of the time. Tell him time is of the essence. I think he’s got a crush on you, Dex! Makes me a … scientist. Finding a needle in a haystack isn’t hard when every straw is computerized. I’m Dexter, and I’m not sure what I am. You’re a killer. I catch killers. This man is a knight in shining armor.

May 18
Love0

Wow, you got that off the Internet?

By Something 2 Comments

Oh sure!

For the last time, I don’t like lilacs! Your ‘first’ wife was the one who liked lilacs! There’s no part of that sentence I didn’t like! I’ve got to find a way to escape the horrible ravages of youth.

table2

Five hours?

Yeah, and if you were the pope they’d be all, «Straighten your pope hat.» And «Put on your good vestments.» Son, as your lawyer, I declare y’all are in a 12-piece bucket o’ trouble. But I done struck you a deal: Five hours of community service cleanin’ up that ol’ mess you caused. I saw you with those two «ladies of the evening» at Elzars. Explain that. No! Don’t jump! Say it in Russian! Fatal. I was having the most wonderful dream. Except you were there, and you were there, and you were there!

I guess if you want children beaten, you have to do it yourself. In your time, yes, but nowadays shut up! Besides, these are adult stemcells, harvested from perfectly healthy adults whom I killed for their stemcells.

Wow, you got that off the Internet? In my day, the Internet was only used to download pornography. OK, if everyone’s finished being stupid. Alright, let’s mafia things up a bit. Joey, burn down the ship. Clamps, burn down the crew.

May 18
Love0

You have a good heart

By Author 3 Comments

Whoa a real live robot; or is that some kind of cheesy New Year’s costume? You, a bobsleder!? That I’d like to see! Soon enough. Who are you, my warranty?! Bite my shiny metal ass. Guards! Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away! Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why, why, why didn’t I break his legs? Who said that? SURE you can die! You want to die?!

That’s right, baby

Fry! Quit doing the right thing, you jerk! What kind of a father would I be if I said no? What kind of a father would I be if I said no? Bender, you risked your life to save me! Hey, tell me something. You’ve got all this money. How come you always dress like you’re doing your laundry? I meant ‘physically’. Look, perhaps you could let me work for a little food? I could clean the floors or paint a fence, or service you sexually? What’s with you kids? Every other day it’s food, food, food. Alright, I’ll get you some stupid food.

Abr 15
Love0

Actually, that’s still true

By Life 3 Comments

Really?! The key to victory is discipline, and that means a well made bed. You will practice until you can make your bed in your sleep. Michelle, I don’t regret this, but I both rue and lament it. Yeah. Give a little credit to our public schools. Yeah. Give a little credit to our public schools. WINDMILLS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY! GOOD NIGHT! So, how ‘bout them Knicks? Actually, that’s still true. Oh Leela! You’re the only person I could turn to; you’re the only person who ever loved me.

Her company

Man, I’m sore all over. I feel like I just went ten rounds with mighty Thor. Kids have names? And remember, don’t do anything that affects anything, unless it turns out you were supposed to, in which case, for the love of God, don’t not do it! I’m sorry, guys. I never meant to hurt you. Just to destroy everything you ever believed in. I suppose I could part with ‘one’ and still be feared… Ah, computer dating. It’s like pimping, but you rarely have to use the phrase «upside your head.»