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Nov 11
Love0

No, just a regular mistake

By My world 2 Comments

watches2

Kif, I have mated with a woman. Inform the men. Quite possible. We live long and are celebrated poopers. Hello, little man. I will destroy you! OK, this has gotta stop. I’m going to remind Fry of his humanity the way only a woman can.

Hello, little man

Oh yeah, good luck with that. No, just a regular mistake. I love you, buddy! Say what? You wouldn’t. Ask anyway! It’s just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long, the grasshopper kept burying acorns for winter, while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. But then the winter came, and the grasshopper died, and the octopus ate all his acorns. Also he got a race car. Is any of this getting through to you?

Nov 02
Love0

Finding a needle in a haystack

By Something 2 Comments

Only you could make those words cute. God created pudding, and then he rested. Only you could make those words cute. You look…perfect. I’m doing mental jumping jacks. Only you could make those words cute. Rorschach would say you have a hard time relating to others. I’m real proud of you for coming, bro. I know you hate funerals.

I will destroy you

I’m a sociopath; there’s not much he can do for me. Under normal circumstances, I’d take that as a compliment. I’ve lived in darkness a long time. Over the years my eyes adjusted until the dark became my world and I could see. Under normal circumstances, I’d take that as a compliment. I’m generally confused most of the time. Tell him time is of the essence. I think he’s got a crush on you, Dex! Makes me a … scientist. Finding a needle in a haystack isn’t hard when every straw is computerized. I’m Dexter, and I’m not sure what I am. You’re a killer. I catch killers. This man is a knight in shining armor.

Nov 02
Love0

And so we say goodbye

By Life 2 Comments

I love you, buddy

And so we say goodbye to our beloved pet, Nibbler, who’s gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go. The toilet. File not found. Have you ever tried just turning off the TV, sitting down with your children, and hitting them?

Now, now. Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything. It may comfort you to know that Fry’s death took only fifteen seconds, yet the pain was so intense, that it felt to him like fifteen years. And it goes without saying, it caused him to empty his bowels. Ugh, it’s filthy! Why not create a National Endowment for Strip Clubs while we’re at it? You are the last hope of the universe. Enough about your promiscuous mother, Hermes! We have bigger problems. Now what?

Is that a cooking show?

Wow! A superpowers drug you can just rub onto your skin? You’d think it would be something you’d have to freebase. You guys go on without me! I’m going to go… look for more stuff to steal! I’m Santa Claus!

Nov 02
Love0

This is fun

By My world One Comment

I’m partial to air conditioning. I love Halloween. The one time of year when everyone wears a mask … not just me. Watching ice melt. This is fun. I’m really more an apartment person. Makes me a … scientist. Pretend. You pretend the feelings are there, for the world, for the people around you. Who knows? Maybe one day they will be. I will not kill my sister. I will not kill my sister. I will not kill my sister.

Good news

I’m really more an apartment person. You’re a killer. I catch killers. I’m not the monster he wants me to be. So I’m neither man nor beast. I’m something new entirely. With my own set of rules. I’m Dexter. Boo. Tonight’s the night. And it’s going to happen again and again. It has to happen. I’m really more an apartment person. I’m partial to air conditioning. I’m Dexter, and I’m not sure what I am. I’m generally confused most of the time.

May 18
Love0

With a warning label

By Life One Comment

tea1Son, as your lawyer, I declare y’all are in a 12-piece bucket o’ trouble. But I done struck you a deal: Five hours of community service cleanin’ up that ol’ mess you caused. You’re going to do his laundry? Say what? No! I want to live! There are still too many things I don’t own! Bender, we’re trying our best. Isn’t it true that you have been paid for your testimony?

I could if you hadn’t turned on the light and shut off my stereo. When I was first asked to make a film about my nephew, Hubert Farnsworth, I thought «Why should I?» Then later, Leela made the film. But if I did make it, you can bet there would have been more topless women on motorcycles. Roll film! Yeah, lots of people did. We need rest. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised. I just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. Fry, that doesn’t make sense. We don’t have a brig.

tea3Ven ve voke up, ve had zese wodies. Switzerland is small and neutral! We are more like Germany, ambitious and misunderstood! Incidentally, you have a dime up your nose. Shut up and get to the point! With a warning label this big, you know they gotta be fun! I don’t know what you did, Fry, but once again, you screwed up! Now all the planets are gonna start cracking wise about our mamas. I’ve got to find a way to escape the horrible ravages of youth. Suddenly, I’m going to the bathroom like clockwork, every three hours. And those jerks at Social Security stopped sending me checks. Now ‘I» have to pay »them’!

I guess because my parents keep telling me to be more ladylike. As though! Five hours? Aw, man! Couldn’t you just get me the death penalty? In your time, yes, but nowadays shut up! Besides, these are adult stemcells, harvested from perfectly healthy adults whom I killed for their stemcells.

Abr 15
Love0

Actually, that’s still true

By Life 3 Comments

Really?! The key to victory is discipline, and that means a well made bed. You will practice until you can make your bed in your sleep. Michelle, I don’t regret this, but I both rue and lament it. Yeah. Give a little credit to our public schools. Yeah. Give a little credit to our public schools. WINDMILLS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY! GOOD NIGHT! So, how ‘bout them Knicks? Actually, that’s still true. Oh Leela! You’re the only person I could turn to; you’re the only person who ever loved me.

Her company

Man, I’m sore all over. I feel like I just went ten rounds with mighty Thor. Kids have names? And remember, don’t do anything that affects anything, unless it turns out you were supposed to, in which case, for the love of God, don’t not do it! I’m sorry, guys. I never meant to hurt you. Just to destroy everything you ever believed in. I suppose I could part with ‘one’ and still be feared… Ah, computer dating. It’s like pimping, but you rarely have to use the phrase «upside your head.»

Ene 18
Love0

Is the Space Pope reptilian

By Author, News One Comment

You won’t have time for sleeping, soldier, not with all the bed making you’ll be doing. Oh sure! Blame the wizards! Why would I want to know that? No, I’m Santa Claus! When I was first asked to make a film about my nephew, Hubert Farnsworth, I thought «Why should I?» Then later, Leela made the film. But if I did make it, you can bet there would have been more topless women on motorcycles. Roll film!

Tell her

Is the Space Pope reptilian!? Also Zoidberg. Yeah, lots of people did. Then throw her in the laundry room, which will hereafter be referred to as «the brig». As an interesting side note, as a head without a body, I envy the dead. It must be wonderful. It doesn’t look so shiny to me. The alien mothership is in orbit here. If we can hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate. Ow, my spirit!