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Nov 02
Love0

And so we say goodbye

By Life 2 Comments

I love you, buddy

And so we say goodbye to our beloved pet, Nibbler, who’s gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go. The toilet. File not found. Have you ever tried just turning off the TV, sitting down with your children, and hitting them?

Now, now. Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything. It may comfort you to know that Fry’s death took only fifteen seconds, yet the pain was so intense, that it felt to him like fifteen years. And it goes without saying, it caused him to empty his bowels. Ugh, it’s filthy! Why not create a National Endowment for Strip Clubs while we’re at it? You are the last hope of the universe. Enough about your promiscuous mother, Hermes! We have bigger problems. Now what?

Is that a cooking show?

Wow! A superpowers drug you can just rub onto your skin? You’d think it would be something you’d have to freebase. You guys go on without me! I’m going to go… look for more stuff to steal! I’m Santa Claus!

Nov 02
Love0

I’m going to remind

By Life 4 Comments

Why did you bring us here? This is the worst kind of discrimination: the kind against me! I’m just glad my fat, ugly mama isn’t alive to see this day. I had more, but you go ahead. Goodbye, friends. I never thought I’d die like this. But I always really hoped. Wow! A superpowers drug you can just rub onto your skin? You’d think it would be something you’d have to freebase. You seem malnourished. Are you suffering from intestinal parasites? You’ll have all the Slurm you can drink when you’re partying with Slurms McKenzie!

OK, this has gotta stop. I’m going to remind Fry of his humanity the way only a woman can. Bite my shiny metal ass. You know, I was God once. I just told you! You’ve killed me! No! I want to live! There are still too many things I don’t own! Yeah. Give a little credit to our public schools. Hey, tell me something. You’ve got all this money. How come you always dress like you’re doing your laundry? I suppose I could part with ‘one’ and still be feared…

I’m sorry, guys

Son, as your lawyer, I declare y’all are in a 12-piece bucket o’ trouble. But I done struck you a deal: Five hours of community service cleanin’ up that ol’ mess you caused. You’re going to do his laundry?

Ago 01
Love0

Tonight’s the night

By Life, My world 2 Comments

bottles3

Rorschach would say you have a hard time relating to others. I like seafood. I’m really more an apartment person. I’m generally confused most of the time. I’m Dexter, and I’m not sure what I am. I’m going to tell you something that I’ve never told anyone before. Under normal circumstances, I’d take that as a compliment. Tell him time is of the essence. I’m doing mental jumping jacks. I am not a killer.

I never loved you

You all right, Dexter? Tell him time is of the essence. Tonight’s the night. And it’s going to happen again and again. It has to happen. Watching ice melt. This is fun.

May 18
Love0

With a warning label

By Life One Comment

tea1Son, as your lawyer, I declare y’all are in a 12-piece bucket o’ trouble. But I done struck you a deal: Five hours of community service cleanin’ up that ol’ mess you caused. You’re going to do his laundry? Say what? No! I want to live! There are still too many things I don’t own! Bender, we’re trying our best. Isn’t it true that you have been paid for your testimony?

I could if you hadn’t turned on the light and shut off my stereo. When I was first asked to make a film about my nephew, Hubert Farnsworth, I thought «Why should I?» Then later, Leela made the film. But if I did make it, you can bet there would have been more topless women on motorcycles. Roll film! Yeah, lots of people did. We need rest. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised. I just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. Fry, that doesn’t make sense. We don’t have a brig.

tea3Ven ve voke up, ve had zese wodies. Switzerland is small and neutral! We are more like Germany, ambitious and misunderstood! Incidentally, you have a dime up your nose. Shut up and get to the point! With a warning label this big, you know they gotta be fun! I don’t know what you did, Fry, but once again, you screwed up! Now all the planets are gonna start cracking wise about our mamas. I’ve got to find a way to escape the horrible ravages of youth. Suddenly, I’m going to the bathroom like clockwork, every three hours. And those jerks at Social Security stopped sending me checks. Now ‘I» have to pay »them’!

I guess because my parents keep telling me to be more ladylike. As though! Five hours? Aw, man! Couldn’t you just get me the death penalty? In your time, yes, but nowadays shut up! Besides, these are adult stemcells, harvested from perfectly healthy adults whom I killed for their stemcells.

Abr 15
Love0

Actually, that’s still true

By Life 3 Comments

Really?! The key to victory is discipline, and that means a well made bed. You will practice until you can make your bed in your sleep. Michelle, I don’t regret this, but I both rue and lament it. Yeah. Give a little credit to our public schools. Yeah. Give a little credit to our public schools. WINDMILLS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY! GOOD NIGHT! So, how ‘bout them Knicks? Actually, that’s still true. Oh Leela! You’re the only person I could turn to; you’re the only person who ever loved me.

Her company

Man, I’m sore all over. I feel like I just went ten rounds with mighty Thor. Kids have names? And remember, don’t do anything that affects anything, unless it turns out you were supposed to, in which case, for the love of God, don’t not do it! I’m sorry, guys. I never meant to hurt you. Just to destroy everything you ever believed in. I suppose I could part with ‘one’ and still be feared… Ah, computer dating. It’s like pimping, but you rarely have to use the phrase «upside your head.»

Mar 29
Love0

Michelle, I don’t regret

By Author, Life 2 Comments

Michelle, I don’t regret this, but I both rue and lament it. All I want is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit… that’s why I’m transferring to business school! This opera’s as lousy as it is brilliant! Your lyrics lack subtlety. You can’t just have your characters announce how they feel. That makes me feel angry!

With gusto

And so we say goodbye to our beloved pet, Nibbler, who’s gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go. The toilet. Wow! A superpowers drug you can just rub onto your skin? You’d think it would be something you’d have to freebase.

Ene 30
Love0

Doomsday Devices

By Life, Projects 3 Comments

There’s one way and only one way to determine if an animal is intelligent. Dissect its brain! Stop it, stop it. It’s fine. I will ‘destroy’ you! Why yes! Thanks for noticing. No, just a regular mistake. These old Doomsday Devices are dangerously unstable. I’ll rest easier not knowing where they are. I’ve been there. My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the pope? Large bet on myself in round one.

They make you

Is that a cooking show? I love you, buddy! So, how ‘bout them Knicks? Switzerland is small and neutral! We are more like Germany, ambitious and misunderstood! Guess again. All I want is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit… that’s why I’m transferring to business school!